Not only does the people-pleaser love the wrong thing (the approval of man rather than the approval of God), he fears the wrong thing as well—he fears the disapproval of man more than the disapproval of God. (Priolo, 23)
1. He fears the displeasure of man more than the displeasure of God. This is manifested by thoughts such as the following:
- I’m not prepared to meet this person.
- What does he think of me?
- I’ll probably make a fool of myself.
- I can’t reveal too much of myself or he will know what I’m really like and reject me.
- I can’t bear the thought of being hurt again.
- I have to get away from this person as quickly as possible.
- I have to be careful not to say anything that might get me into a conflict.
2. He desires the praise of man above the praise of God.
3. He studies what it takes to please man as much as (if not more than) what it takes to please God.
4. His speech is designed to entice and flatter others into thinking well of him.
- Rarely confronts sin in the life of another believer.
- Rarely challenges or even questions the opinion of others.
- Prematurely terminates conflicts (usually by yielding, withdrawing, or changing the subject).
- Rarely reveals to others the truth about who he really is inside (especially his struggles with sin.)
- Steers conversations away from those topics that might cause others to realize what he is really like inside.
- Shades the truth (lies) in order “not to offend others.”
- Finds clever ways to subtly introduce his accomplishments into conversations.
- Fishes for compliments.
- Listens attentively when others talk of things that displease them (so as not to say or do anything that might result in rejection).
- Frequently puts himself down in the hope that others will disagree with his purposely exaggerated negative self-assessment.
- Finds it difficult to say “no” to those who make requests of him, even when he knows that saying “yes” will not be the best choice.
5. He is a respecter of persons. (Shows partiality or favortism.)
6. He is oversensitive to correction, reproof, and other allusions of dissatisfaction or disapproval on the part of others.
7. He outwardly renders eye service to man rather than inwardly rendering sincere (from the heart) ministry to the Lord.
8. He selfishly uses the wisdom, abilities, and gifts that have been given to him for God’s glory and the benefit of others for his own glory and personal benefit.
- Personal Wealth
- Physical Beauty
- Spiritual Gifts
- Wisdom
- Honor of One’s Vocation
- Artistic Ability
- Athletic Ability
- Verbal Ability
- Musical Ability
- Intellectual Ability
- Financial Status
- Family Heritage
- Position in the Community
- Position at Work
- Bible Knowledge
- Managerial Skill
- Good Reputation
- Spiritual Accomplishments
- Location of One’s Home
- Appearance of One’s Home
- Accomplishments of Children
- Worldly Possession
9. He invests more of his personal resources in establishing his own honor than he does in establishing God’s honor.
10. He is discontented with the condition and proportion that God has appointed for him.
Lou Priolo, Pleasing People: How Not To Be An Approval Junkie (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2007), 22-36.
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