Anxiety Over the Life of Our Offspring

The following is an excerpt from Sara Ann DuBose's book entitled "Conquering Anxiety." It comes from the chapter on Family Fears and is found on pages 66-69.

Someone may say, "... I have a problem. My anxiety comes when I can’t see how God is going to work it all out. When I feel out of control I tend to panic. Why does God sometimes ask me or my family to walk in the dark? Sometimes my mind races with thoughts of ‘what if.’ The possibilities appear and reappear like the black horse on a merry-go-round."

When Christians are faced with this temptation, and all of us are, I believe we can remember a wonderful ability God has given us. We can post a sign in our mind. God has said, “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Heb. 13:5). When the dark times come we can concentrate on this sign and not our circumstances. The circumstances are not in charge. God is in charge. He will not allow anything to happen to us or to our family that is not for our good. Why? Our family has been dedicated to the Lord, and He has promised, “…in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28). And so, I will set my mind firmly on God. As I meditate on His grace and mercy He will also increase my peace.

Does this mean the uncertain, dark times will vanish immediately? No, not necessarily. But, one thing is sure. God has His hand on the clock and the thermostat. The time will not be too long nor the temperature too great for me.

Again, someone may say, "But what if my child is in pain and I can't help? Can God see me through this? How can I keep from feeling bitter?"

The answer to a child's pain is never easy and no Christian should minimize the hurt of a friend. Several years ago two friends and I went to visit the mother of a terminally ill child. Louise (not her real name) took a seat in a rocking chair in the living room and soon began to remind our young friend of God's sovereignty. Swinging her leg back and forth in a rhythmic fashion, she said, "Well, we can't understand God's ways, but know everything will work out for good." I couldn't help but wonder how Louise would have reacted if this had been her child. In fact, I was sorry we had made this call as a group. How much better if we had simply sat quietly and shared in our friend's pain.

Another type of hurt many parents face is the willful disobedience and rebellion of their children. When young people turn away from God for months or years the pain goes deep. In his third letter the apostle John wrote, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in truth" (3 John 4). The "Children," of course, referred to all believers. Recently, however, I was reading from my father-in-law's old Bible and found something interesting. Not only was this verse underlined, but penciled beside it were two simple words: "mine, too."

As Christian parents we do have no greater joy than to see our biological children walking in truth. At the same time, we experience no greater disappointment or pain than when they disobey God and are drawn to a love of the world.

Not long ago I had one of those mailbox chats with my next-door neighbor. Mary mentioned a situation with her son and then added an expression her mother used to repeat when Mary was young. "Children step on your toes when they are young, but when they get older they step on your heart!" How true, I thought, as I headed back to the house with the mail. And the stepping on the heart is not with those little Mary Jane slippers and Buster Brown shoes. Sometimes it comes with the pressure of football cleats.

Every child, of course, has a strong self-will and is basically selfish. But mirrors are never far away. Adults are selfish, too. However, as we mature in the Christian life, whatever the age, the desire is to die more and more to self and worldly pursuits and to model our life like the Lord Jesus.

One example of this dying to self and living to righteousness is found in John's first letter. He writes, "Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus did" (1 John 2:6). Again, verses 15-17 continue, "Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world--the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does--comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man (woman or child) who does the will of God lives forever."

So we try to be models for our children. Sometimes we succeed and sometimes we fail. Sometimes we succeed and they fail. The deepest hurt, the football cleat hurt, is when they fail again and again.

I have a friend whose son went on drugs and completely upset the atmosphere of the home. Soon he was influencing the younger son. Life was so disruptive they were forced to place him in a treatment center offering prolonged care. After a year of treatment all seemed well. The father, after the pattern of the father of the prodigal son, made this young man a beautiful ring and welcomed him back with an elaborate dinner and open arms. But the story does not have a happy ending. It wasn't the older sister or the younger brother who rebelled but the prodigal returned to his bottles and needles. Football cleats? We may need stronger words for this family's anxiety.

Today, as far as I know, this family is still waiting and praying. They reared this son in a strong Christian environment and they are not blaming themselves for his rebellion. Perhaps they have posted a sign in their minds, too. "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." In any case, they have not taken their eyes or heart from Jesus, realizing faith is trust in the God of our circumstances and not the circumstances themselves.

Recently, I heard a suggestion on the Minirth-Meier call-in program and thought it was biblical advice for any family going through a difficult time. The psychiatrist encouraged this Christian family to break the day up into segments of time. They were to ask God for direction and endurance only for this particular time period and not to concentrate on the entire week, month or year ahead.

Since hearing this advice I've found numerous opportunities to practice it. In fact, over the last few weeks my plans, dreams and ambitions for our family have been interrupted and altered several times. In spite of some traumatic changes we are experiencing the uninterrupted presence of God. It's as if He is saying to us, "Remember I am changeless and faithful. I am working out a better plan for you because you are members of my family. Trust your Father."

Today I am taking another look at that sign in my mind, "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." In fact, I've added a second one: "Nothing is impossible with God" (Luke 1:37).

Sara Ann DuBose, Conquering Anxiety (Atlanta, GA: Committee for Christian Education & Publications, 1989) pp. 66-69