A Sensitive Heart

In her book "Treasures of Encouragement," Sharon Betters deals a bit with encouraging those who are going through intense grieving—over loss of a spouse or child, for example. She gives a helpful list of what a “sensitive heart”—i.e. an encouraging heart—does and does not do.

A sensitive heart does not say…
1. I understand.
2. Call me if you need me.
3. You can have more children, get married again, fill your life with other things, etc.
4. I don’t know what to do. (and then prove it by doing nothing).
5. God needed him more than you.
6. God must really love you to put you through this.
7. You have to get on with your life.
8. Don’t cry.
9. Be strong.

A sensitive heart does not…
1. Try to be always cheerful.
2. Try to explain why.
3. Think her grieving friend is crazy.
4. Compare losses.

A sensitive heart will say…
1. I love you.
2. I’m so sorry this has happened.
3. Nothing. (But give lots of hugs and share lots of tears).
4. I’ll be in touch (and follows through).
5. I’m praying (and does).

A sensitive heart will…
1. Listen.
2. Allow her friend to express all emotions and not interject judgmental comments, especially in the beginning.
3. Read books that teach her how to help.
4. Keep visits short, unless the hurting friend insists she stay longer.
5. Discern when her friend needs to be alone, but not allow her to isolate herself completely.
6. Assure her friend that she is not crazy, just brokenhearted.
7. Offer to find more help when she senses her friend is sinking.
8. Acknowledge the pain.
9. Give permission to talk about the loss.
10. Stay in touch for the long haul with cards, phone calls, and special remembrances on birthdays, anniversaries, special holidays.
11. Ask the Holy Spirit for a specific Scripture to share at the right moment and trust God to use them as a healing balm.
12. Offer to do menial tasks (but never disturb the possessions of a deceased person without permission—i.e. do not clean out his or her room, change the bed, etc.)
13. Recognize that grief is a long process.
14. Tolerate volatile outbursts and intense emotions.
15. Not expect or demand thanks.
16. Pray, pray, pray every time she thinks of her friend.