How Can We Cure Our Fiery Tongues?

The Ten Commandments by Douma, page 323.

No cure for this ailment exists other than radical conversion. That is how deep the lying lives in us. In our conversion, we must put off the old nature; but in that same context Paul says that we must put away lying and start speaking the truth. We can do this only through the grace of God’s liberation. Also above the ninth commandment stands the preamble: “I am Yahweh, your God, who has freed you from Egypt, the house of slavery.” This is not self-redemption, which enslaves us to the lie; rather, this is liberation by Yahweh, who rescues us from bondage to lying. Jesus Christ says, “I am the way, THE TRUTH, and the life.”

Guard and Advance

Lord's Day 43
Q. What is God's will for you in the ninth commandment? (You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.)

A. God's will is that I never give false testimony against anyone, twist no one's words, not gossip or slander, nor join in condemning anyone without a hearing or without a just cause.

Rather, in court and everywhere else, I should avoid lying and deceit of every kind; these are devices the devil himself uses, and they would call down on me God's intense anger. I should love the truth, speak it candidly, and openly acknowledge it. And I should do what I can to guard and advance my neighbor's good name.

How can we actively guard and advance our neighbor’s name?
The following words are paraphrased from Martha Peace's book "Becoming a Titus 2 Woman" and are found on pages 39 and 40.

We can guard by standing up to gossips, say something like, “If we continue to talk about this or I continue to listen to you talk, we are likely to begin to gossip.” You may be thinking, “I do not want to gossip, but what should I do if another woman wants to talk to me about a problem she is having in a relationship and she does not know what to do.” Suppose she comes to you and has a problem with her friend at church. First determine if her desire is to respond righteously. If so, listen to just enough to give her biblical guidance such as, “You need to go to your friend and gently confront her with her sin. Your motive should be to restore her to a right relationship with God” (Gal. 6:1). Show her appropriate Scriptures and point out her responsibility. If she comes back to you and wants to talk about it again but does not want to talk to her friend, then do not listen but explain, “Last time we talked I listened to enough info to give you biblical guidance. Now if we continue to talk about it, we’ll just be gossiping.” Then encourage her to do what is right, pray with her, and follow up later by asking her if she did. But do not let yourself be pulled into gossip.

We can advance our neighbor's good name by saying words that are of “good repute.” Good repute words think of the other person’s reputation in a favorable light. These thoughts are the kind of thoughts we are to carefully consider and think about. Otherwise it is so easy to let a bad report out and become what we are warned against becoming: a malicious gossip. If there is something about the person that would paint them in a bad light, go TO the person and speak to them about it. Your demeanor should be gentle and loving, but truthful, clear, and straightforward. Give them hope. Do not give a bad report. Do not gossip.

James 3

The following passages are from the NIV and commentary from Calvin and Douma.

1Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check. 3When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.
James explains the evils which proceeds from the neglect of restraining the tongue, in order that we might know that the tongue can do MUCH good or MUCH evil. James notes that if it is modest and well regulated, it becomes a bridle to the whole life, but that if it is loose and violent, like a fire it destroys all things. And he represents it as a small or little fire, to intimate that the smallness of the tongue will not hinder the power it has to extend far and wide to do harm.

6The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
The tongue is set afire by hell itself. There dwells the father of lies, the Devil. Jesus spoke this against the Jews who were boasting that Abraham was their father. He pointed out that they did not understand the truth, so they were not free sons of Abraham, but slaves of sin. “You are of your father the devil, and the desires of your father you want to do.” Jesus’ criticism is revealing, not only for the Jews of His day, but for all of us. Lying lives very deep within us, because we have been defiled with lying by the father of lies. Through his fall into sin, man has not simply been defiled with the lie, but dominated by it. The truth of God is exchanged for the lie, so that the creature is worshiped instead of the Creator. The lie is not an incidental phenomenon, but is characteristic of fallen man. All men became deceitful (Rom. 3:9-18)

7All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, 8but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
This is a confirmation of the last verse; that Satan rules most effectively by the tongue. And he proves that it cannot be brought to due order by making comparisons. For he says that there is no animal so savage or fierce, which is not tamed by the skill of man, -- that fishes, which in a manner inhabit another world, -- that birds, which are so quick and roaming -- and that serpents, which are so detrimental to mankind, are sometimes tamed. Since then the tongue cannot be restrained, there must be some secret fire of hell hidden in it. If we desire to structure our life aright, we must especially strive to restrain the tongue, for no part of man does more harm.

9With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. 10Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. 11Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
He uses the comparisons in this verse in order to show that a cursing tongue is something monstrous, contrary to all nature, and subverts the order everywhere established by God. When you think of some of these things – a spring yielding both salt and fresh water – it seems so absurd to us! It is a chaotic mixture that goes completely against the natural order. We should be turned off just as much by the double tongue as we are by such a fountain.

13Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.
The Lord teaches his people to be meek and to be courteous to others. They, then, are alone wise in the sight of God, who connect this meekness with an honest conversation; for those that are harsh and stubborn, though they may excel others in many virtues, do not yet follow the right way of wisdom.

14But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth.
That we may then really glory that we are the children of God, he bids us to act calmly and meekly towards our brethren; otherwise he declares that we are lying in assuming the Christian name.

15Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
Men, following their own sense, or minds, or feelings, soon became a prey to the delusions of Satan. James meant to express something heavy, even that the malignant and the slanderer does everything confusedly and rashly, as though he were beside himself; and therefore he adds, every evil work.

17But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.
He now mentions the effects of wisdom from above which is completely contrary to the former effects. He says first that it is pure; which excludes hypocrisy and ambition. He, in the second place, calls it peaceable, to intimate that it is not contentious. In the third place, he calls it kind or humane, that we may know that it is far away from that immoderate austerity which tolerates nothing in our brethren. He also calls it gentle or polite; by which he means that it widely differs from pride and malignity. In the last place, he says that it is full of mercy, etc., while hypocrisy is inhuman and relentless. By good fruits he generally refers to all those duties that benevolent men perform towards their brethren; as though he had said, it is full of benevolence.

18Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.
He therefore adds, by those who make peace; which ought to be explained: they who STUDY peace, are nevertheless careful to sow righteousness; nor are they slothful or negligent in promoting and encouraging good works; but they moderate their zeal with the condiment of peace, while hypocrites throw all things into confusion by a blind and furious violence.

Uncovering the Truth about Gossip and Slander

Have you heard…
Did you know…
They tell me…
I’ve known for a long time, but never said anything…
Keep this to yourself, but…
Even though I’ve told you this about him, he has his good points, too.
I wouldn’t tell you except I know you wouldn’t tell anyone.
I am telling you this so you can pray.

Sound familiar? If you catch yourself hearing or speaking these phrases, let your red flags go up. Chances are good that gossip or slander is quickly following.

What is gossip? A rumor or report of an intimate nature, chatty talk, chipping away at the good name of a neighbor, and my favorite: frivolous prattling. Somebody who is characterized as being a gossip would be defined as a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others. We all do it, don't we? And unfortunately, we almost all engage in it more than once a day.

What is slander? To slander somebody means to utter against, defame, malign, or harm the reputation of. It is generally evil in nature, influence and effect. It would be having or showing fairly intense and often vicious ill-will toward another person. Slander might even be true, but it goes beyond gossip when a person's mistakes, faults and shortcomings are discussed in minute detail.

Can you think of a time that gossip or slander ever did any good for a person's reputation? Probably not. So why do we spend so much time frivolously prattling about other people?

The following is an excerpt from Douma's book on the Ten Commandments. From pages 321-322, Douma spends this chapter discussing the Ninth Commandment: Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. In this section he is going into detail about how deep lying lives within us:

Evidently we have a hard time being honest. Even if we have never given false testimony in court, we still catch ourselves gossiping, judging rashly, and twisting another person’s words. Even the slanderer finds a ready audience. His words are like tasty morsels; they slide down easily to the inner recesses of the heart (Prov. 18:8)... Lying or believing lies both come easily for us. But why?... Because we do not take life seriously enough; we have too much time for fun and for games of chance, for fiction and theater. In our conversation we reduce the life of the other person to a game and a stage performance. The lie entertains and diverts us. With the lie we can play a game with our neighbor. We become oblivious to the fact that our neighbors are living persons with their own interests, honor and reputation. The world of fantasy is bigger and more interesting that the real world. Everyday life bores us. Gossip is the spice people need to enhance their otherwise dull lives.

So just why are gossip and slander the "socially acceptable" sins? For one, the media does an excellent job of marketing it. Everybody does it. And most of all, we would rather hear something bad about our neighbor than something good. Something dirty always sticks long after the conversation has died.

But the Bible strongly warns us against speaking gossip and slander. As a matter of fact, it is so important that we pay attention to our speech, that the epistle of James devotes a whole chapter warning us about the evils of our tongues (James 3).